Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Is this separation Anxiety?

Monday at dawn, I woke up 2AM...getting myself ready for work again since I have to take a bus ride of almost 4 hours to the city where I work during the week. My toddler Syfra was still in her deep sleep. While baby Blessy (my 1year old) girl woke up the time I was out of bed. I didn't know for what reason, I was thinking maybe she just wanted her milk, usually her Papa gives her milk twice during the night.

Until I was ready to leave, still Blessy is wide awake. Her Lola (grandma) is taking charge since my husband had to accompany a walk with me downhill for 20 minutes. It is still dawn and there is no motorbike to ride on to. Her Lola tried putting her back into sleep, I was also feeling a bit sad for I had to leave. I came back to my baby's room, I found her awake, I spoke with her as if she understands every word I say. "Baby Blessy, Mama is leaving now, will have to go back to work and buy you some milk. Be good always, and be healthy" Then I kissed her goodbye. I went to my mother in law and told her I am leaving.

I do my usual routine at work, got in the office, do customer service as I am working in a Call Center as CSR. Not very easy job. Customer's claim causes me headaches everyday.

After my work is done, got into my place where I stay. It is only a small room and I only rent a BEDSPACE, more of this are in the Philippines usually in the cities where people migrate from province to look for a job. I got mine for only Php800/month. Free light and water. Very affordable. But the fact, I have to share room with 3 other girls. One is my co-league whom is a single mom. And the other 2 are friends whom are still strangers for me.

Anyway, I got in my place, called up my husband on his mobile phone..."Dad how are the kids?" He answered "Syfra woke up early this morning, ran to our room and tried looking for you, asked her Lola where you are and cried after knowing you already left". I feel sad about this really. I am very much longing to be with my kids all the time, but work requires my presence also.

This is the mere truth that a working mom like me has to deal with, and it is hard. Although I can entrust my kids under my husband and my mother in law's care. I still have this feeling of wanting to be the one who "gets" most of the time with my kids.
I know mothers like me also feel the same way.



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